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[myriadeclipse]

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Home of Mockingbird and the voice in his head

Mockingbird

Please forgive me for missing your message. I'll be right with you.

The Other Me

He isn't that sorry.

Mockingbird

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[myriadeclipse]

[ Hugo couldn't stop himself from laughing, his head thrown back in pained mockery of joy. It hurt. It continued to hurt. Would this fool have been happier if he perished among the waves of blood? With the way Lycaon spoke, he still had no clue. And yet that wasn't Hugo's problem. Every time it was brought up, Hugo wanted to shut it out.

He didn't want to see that room in his nightmares anymore. ]

You should admit it to yourself, Lycaon. You never believed in me. It's so easy for you to believe I'm a monster, it's like breathing, isn't it? You haven't even remembered it yet, have you?

Then let me tell you. [ The pain was covered with a smug air and a smile, looking at Lycaon with manic joy gleaming in his eyes. ]

This isn't the first time you've betrayed me. You always betray me.

I knew you'd leave again, so why bother?

[paraselenic]

[Hugo's laughter rang through him like the empty hollow of a bell. Each reverberation sinking thorns into his heart, reopening old wounds.

Why..why did Hugo have to go that far? Wasn't he happy with their life? Was all this pain worth those lives?

Wasn't..he enough?

There wasn't much that he feared, but the answer to those questions shook him to the core.]

I am not admitting to something that isn't true. [Hugo wanted this excuse.] Even now, you can still--

[His ears perk up again, fully alert. ALWAYS? It's because he can't let go of you that they're here in the first place!]

You have no idea how wrong you are. You're mad.

[myriadeclipse]

[ Instead of answering, he turned and continued walking. His footsteps took up the space, passing by the headlights of stopped cars with his eyes wide and his breaths shallow. Was he mad? Had this endless dance of love and betrayal finally driven him insane? No, actually. As loathed as he was to endure a scene like this once more, his mind was whole.

He did not answer until his heels touched on the other side, pausing on the sidewalk with the gleam of the restaurant's neon sign casing a shadow over his face. ]

Then tell me, since you're so superior. How am I wrong? What have I missed? [ His voice dropped to a quieter tone. ]

Why are you still tormenting me?

[paraselenic]

[Lycaon was quick to follow those footsteps through the crosswalk, paying those cars no mind and keeping his one good eye focused on the man in front of him. He could easily overtake him with sheer stride length, but something told him that he should stay behind him.

It wasn't until he reached the other side, metallic heels clicking back onto the sidewalk that he paused, seeing the slumped posture of his former partner and the weary tone he took.

Nothing could prepare him for the last thing he said. His tail went between his legs, something he would never allow anyone to see on a normal day, and his hand slowly reached out to Hugo's shoulder, hesitating merely inches from it. The worst part of it was...he was running from his sins. And he knew this.]

I did leave you on that day. Your actions you took caused me to make that choice, and we cannot go back into the past to change either of our decisions now.

[He took those jobs originally for the money, as legs don't pay for themselves. But high society gatherings...he couldn't think of a better place for Mockingbird to show up. Eventually, one day, he had to find something. His husky voice drops just as Hugo's did, and he sounds more like a scolded dog than a fierce wolf. Why are you still tormenting me? ...Why indeed.]

...The moon may block out the sun's light, but it is the only one who can take in its true radiance without going blind.

[Cryptic, maybe, but it's the most honest with himself he's been this whole conversation.

He steps forward to grab the door, holding it open.]

[myriadeclipse]

What if...

[ He stopped speaking, waiting. He didn't look at him, feeling the phantom touch of that hand that never connected. Pity. Was that all that was left for him in Lycaon's heart? Pity for the lonely little vampire whose weakness killed his family? Perhaps Lycaon was right. He did deserve to still be alone for that unforgivable blunder.

Walking in through that open door, he took a few steps in to the host, quietly requesting a table for two with a faint smile. They were in luck that there was an open table, but that might also be because the staff had been watching the approaching fight. Holding his arms in close, he gave another smile as they were taken to a seat with a grill.

He was quiet as he slid into his seat, crossing his legs and requesting just water as a drink.

It wasn't until they were alone again did he look at Lycaon, continuing that thought from earlier. ]

I've never answered what happened in that room, but you're convinced of my guilt. What would you do if you've been wrong this whole time? Has the alternative ever crossed your mind?

[paraselenic]

[Hugo's musing gripped his heart like a vice as he watched him walk through, following behind him soon after. The host greeted them and took them to the empty table, and with a little bow of his head in gratitude, he moved to take his seat opposite of Hugo. He'd gotten used to his larger size with these booths, but being unable to cross his legs like he used to was a bit of a pain.

Still, he made sure to leave room for Hugo to do so.

Requesting water himself, he positioned his tail against the wall of the booth as the man continued his hypotheticals. His hands slow, even if his expression remains unchanged.]

...

Yes. [Simple answers are best here.] But without proof, they're only hopes.

While you didn't confirm it, you didn't deny it to me. Had you just-- [No, he knew where that line of thought would end. Another argument. It was better to move on to the next question Hugo was asking him. Reaching over to arrange the items on the table to make the most room possible, he closes his eyes and thinks.]

...

..

Hypothetically, if I was wrong this whole time and you had nothing to do with this--provided you explained everything to me...I would admit I misjudged you. I would apologize.

And I would be the only traitor. [A bitter pill to swallow in the end.]

[myriadeclipse]

[ It was more than he expected, hearing that Lycaon did consider it. He thought about what things would have been like if it were the other way, but he didn't act in it. There was no going back. Even if they were stuck in these cyclical mistakes, what happened was up to them. He could break his ties to fate and decide how to handle this on his own.

Or he can be upset at Lycaon. They were both good ideas. ]

One thing I will say for certain; my father should have perished. Be it me or anyone else. The Ravenlocke's should have all died there. It's the justice this world truly deserved.

[ Hugo looked at the table as the banchan was set out. He didn't reach out, continuing to sit with his arms crossed. Lycaon was sure to handle how he wanted everything set up. ]

In fact, everyone did die in that room. Including me.

[paraselenic]

[...Well, the positives of this are that Hugo's at least speaking about it. No matter how unhinged it sounds. The cork in the effervescent bottle that was Hugo Vlad was coming undone, and was starting to overflow.

As Hugo lays out his true feelings about his family, Lycaon's hands began doing just that--laying each bowl out with the things he knew Hugo liked closer to him. His arms had a further reach, it wasn't an issue.]

I wont deny your father was an abhorrent excuse for a living being, let alone a parent. Your siblings were also complicit in how they treated you. [He wants to make that known. At a baseline, he did agree with him.] But the hammer of judgment was not yours to swing. No one person should have that power--lest you think yourself a god.

[It's not until that last part that he looks back up at Hugo, his red eye softening.]

Then who am I looking at?

[myriadeclipse]

[ Hugo could at least smile at that. Despite adversity, they agreed on one thing. Lycaon couldn't understand the depths of what happened in that house, or the parts of his life he kept to himself every evening he came back to Mockingbird. One thing was a step. It was more than they had before.

Looking down at the dishes, he reached out a hand, taking up a pair of chopsticks and adjusting them in his grip. He stuck the end of them in one of the side dishes, pushing the food around.

Who was left? ]

The spirit of death told me I wasn't supposed to perish there. [ Hugo said in French, picking up something with his chopsticks to stare at instead of Lycaon. ] So now there are rules I must abide by, less my body be taken by his will.

[ He wasn't planning to admit this to anyone. When it came to Lycaon, it still felt so natural to tell him whatever was necessary to his own care. Hugo hated Lycaon, but it would feel wrong if he didn't at least know that. ]

[paraselenic]

[Once the dishes were all laid out, Lycaon took to his own chopsticks--as always they looked comically undersized in his larger hands, and it was hard to hide his slight pout as he slide his fingers further back to at least allow some wiggle room.

Taking a bowl for himself, he stared at it as his ears swiveled in Hugo's direction, picking up that slip into French.

What he heard come out of Hugo's lips was beyond insane...had he not just had a crash course in what was a series of truth bombs. It's perhaps the only thing that keeps him from reacting with anything more than widened eyes.]

Your soul was bound to a god of death. [His French is a lot less refined, and a little awkward. It's been quite some time he's had to pull this out for anything other than an order at the bar.] That does explain some things. [His scent changing, for starters.] What are these rules?

[If there's one thing Lycaon has learned in this conversation, as much of a rollercoaster as it was, it's that Hugo wanted someone to believe him. And maybe it was time he actually started.]

[myriadeclipse]

[ Hugo breathed out slowly with a sigh, looking from the food to Lycaon. Although he meant to answer, He was stopped by the way the man looked across from him. It had been so long that he had forgotten Lycaon's ability to make normal things look miniscule. The smile that crossed his face was unintentionally.

What a mess. Much like the wolfman's French. ]

Lots of flowers, normally. They're offerings for the dead I must give out semi-regularly. The restraint rule is truly the messy one. He greatly dislikes restraints. Far too traumatic for him. They're manageable normally. It puts quite a damper on any... let's say... spicy bedroom activities.

[ Yet with his work as mockingbird, it puts the second rule in constant jeopardy. Hugo's expression was calm. ]

And then, after dealing with that, you yelled at me.

[paraselenic]

[Those were...less morbid than he was imagining. Forgive him, Thanatos, he assumed too much. A smile crosses his lips a bit thinking those both over.]

This god of death is a bit poetic. Offerings to the dead is a beautiful gesture if I may say so. [And as for the second one.] Though it's tragic for the complications in your sex life. [He's not sad lmao]

[He does have the same thought as Hugo, however. Being caught as Mockingbird...that sure would be the end of it there. Hm.]

All you had to say was "I didn't do it".

[myriadeclipse]

[ Hugo wasn't surprised they came back to this conversation. Reaching into a dish that sat closer to Lycaon's side of the table, He picked up a sliver of garlic and placed it down in the one directly in front of Lycaon, going back to the other dish to specifically steal a sausage on Lycaon's side and carry it back to his. Spoils. ]

I shouldn't have to ask my own partner to believe me. I wouldn't have done that to you.

[ Truly, he should have looked at the menu before this. It was only good manners to know what you want so you weren't holding people up. American waitstaff were always hovering about like pixies. He had forgotten how different things were done.

It was just easier to let Lycaon handle it, he thought to himself, despite the bitter taste it left if his mouth. It had barely been an hour, and he's somehow already lost to this control freak. ]

That brings us back to the eternal quarrel. The part that's important to you and the one that's important to me are different.

[paraselenic]

[Lycaon's ears flattened watching Hugo purposely pick the garlic out and put it on his dish. Garlic was something they both weren't particularly fond of, and yet he always annoyingly put it there. It'd be nostalgic if it wasn't so..

And then his eye looks to see that Hugo stole his sausage too. The nerve! He'd kick Hugo if his legs weren't now made of metal (though its still tempting), so he'll opt for his tail swatting under the table against his legs.]

You were standing in- [Oh, the waitress is back again. He's usually so much better about this. Hugo's presence had a way of capturing his whole attention, as much as he hated that fact. Taking the menu, he politely orders with her, choosing the foods they both enjoyed, though he deftly does make sure they err more on the side of Hugo's favourites.

This was his treat after all.

Once she's gone again, he breathes out, picking up his chopsticks again.]

That is the simplistic view of it. I have a feeling that if you had your way, you'd love to argue with me about this for hours.

[myriadeclipse]

[ Another uncharacteristic sound came out of him from the unexpected tail swatting. Instead of covering the squeak his voice made, he reached under the table to try and grab his tail again. Perhaps he deserved the retaliation, but that didn't mean he had to accept it.

Hugo was still reaching under the table and batting at Lycaon's tail when the waitress returned, Hugo slowly sitting up straight once more as if the sight of him reaching under the table wasn't questionable. He would remain quiet while Lycaon ordered as he expected, Hugo deciding to just look at her with one of those put-on flirtatious smiles as he thanked her as she fled.

The short break in their antics was broken by Lycaon's heaved breath, Hugo kicking one of his crossed legs at the tail and then finally leaving it alone. What were they talking about again? Aah, that's right. The same thing they always talk about. ]

You sound as if you think I'm incapable of being tired of this. We've already drawn several crowds, both on and off the network.

I'm willing to come to an agreement if that is what you're getting at. We both have work that shouldn't be interrupted by ... us.

[paraselenic]

[It was truly amazing how much they regressed to bickering teenagers when around each other. Not that either of them would admit it.

Lycaon waited until the waitress took her leave, taking advantage of Hugo's momentary distracted gaze as he slips the entire bowl of the spinach onto his dish. He knew he'd get caught, and only offers a cheeky little wink of payback before leaning back again.]

I do think a part of you is fueled by it, yes. ...I'm well aware that my initial reaction to you sparked...discussion. [Ugh.]

...You're willing to compromise, then. [His tone suggest he's interested.]

[myriadeclipse]

[ Hugo scoffed, looking at the spinach that was pawned off on him. Was that proper of something of Lycaon's 'station' to be so childish? And yet, Hugo couldn't help but feel smug about the man's degradation of character.

Acting as if he isn't phased, He picks his chopsticks up again to pick up a bit of the spinach and put it in his mouth. ]

I'm willing to decide what we're going to do so everyone stops thinking we're in some sort of relationship that doesn't exist. It's beneficial to us both to figure at least that out.

If there's anything else you want to come to an agreement over, now is the time.

[ Lycaon was treating, so Hugo was obligated to stay as long as their tempers remained calm. Essentially yes, however, he was willing to compromise. He was unwilling to use the word compromise. It sounded too much like giving in to Lycaon, and he was not doing that. ]

[paraselenic]

[The way Lycaon sees it, he's technically off duty. And Zulius would probably get a kick out of seeing him break his gentlemanly act. His boss was practically beaming when he tried to barter PTO to not embarrass him in front of Hugo. He's NEVER telling Hugo about that.

He pauses a moment, as the meat has come, and he makes room on the table for it to be set before he starts laying the short ribs and bulgogi on the grill in front of them.]

I've tried to dispel the rumors, but it's only made them more convinced of the fact. [It's not like his own complicated feelings towards Hugo helped, either.] So I'm willing to hear any ideas you have.

However, there is something I'd like to address before we dive into these terms.

[He sets his chopsticks down, staring at the meat as if it'd give him the courage he was looking for to do this, and puts a hand to his chest.]

You spoke hypothetically regarding your involvement in that room that night. I can't deny that if I were to replay that scene from our past, I would make the same decision if you had not explained yourself. I've accepted that fact as a part of myself.

[A swallow.]

After hearing everything you told me, I want to say that I believe you.

And I'm sorry. I misjudged you.

[He'd told Hugo what he'd do if it was his error, but it's been on his mind since the whole spirit of death conversation.]

[myriadeclipse]

[ Why.

The fight between them that changed the course of his life, the act that Hugo refuses even now to confirm or deny if he did. Its resolution was an apology over a sizzling grill in the middle of Nowhere, USA. After all of this time and the endless pain it put Hugo though, mere hypotheticals were enough to help Lycaon see reason?

The resolution he wanted to badly back in those days, and it comes now, when Hugo had accepted that this would be their normal. His posture didn't change, even if the mask hiding his emotions slipped from his face, Hugo's stunned, hurt glare apparent on his features. ]

That's ... all I've ever wanted to hear from you.

[ His voice was low, tapping his fingers against his chair where it was propped on the back of the booth. What the apology couldn't do was erase time or the bitter taste of abandonment that clung to him like a curse.

If Lycaon was going to apologize, Hugo could swallow his pride as well. ]

I... didn't kill anyone in that room. I thought about it, but I couldn't follow through. Your thoughts about me were obvious, and maybe it would have served you and Jack right if I truly had. That stupid oath stopped me because I cared...

[ The words faded out, Hugo turning his head away. He wouldn't say it. Compromising didn't mean he had to spare care for someone who abandoned him so easily. ]

Anyway. Now that it's addressed, what next?

[paraselenic]

[If you think about it, Hugo, a sizzling grill in the middle of the USA is a lot less stressful a place than a room covered in blood. As for the mere hypotheticals...If Hugo needed his belief to truly tell him what happened, then that's what he'd do.

After all, this was about fooling him with lies, it sure was an overly emotional attempt.]

Don't prove my faith in you wrong.

[Too late, too easy, and too little for the damage that'd been caused. He knew that, but he figured it should go on record. Whatever Hugo did with it was his business, whether it was throw it in the trash or embrace it as yet another fractured but persisting part of their lives. He'd accept either.

But Hugo might feel the soft swish of his tail underneath that table, its slight wagging unable to be hidden as it softly beats against his legs.]

That makes me happy to hear, that your morals won out in the end. Growing up I was told that instinct is our first thought, but our second is our moral compass.

[Which brings him to the next point.] I have eternal gratitude to Jack for teaching me how to speak and taking me in as a pup. However, I don't think he was infallible. I said no one should wield the hammer of judgment, and that applies to him, too.

[Things you only piece together lying awake at night, insomnia preventing you from the escape of sleep. It always left a bad taste in his mouth how Jack had said to choke Hugo if it came to it. Maybe that's why he couldn't do it in the end. But like Hugo said, it was time to move on. That reaction was more than he could've ever bargained for, anyway.]

We were discussing our acquaintances treating us like a...what's the term. 'Bickering couple.'

[myriadeclipse]

[ There was a lot he could say. It was easy to tell that they both had fears and worries associated with that time, and for various reasons they both were slow to come to terms with it. For Hugo, he expected to be madder. Lycaon should have been more mad at his supposed betrayer. Hugo should have been colder and less accepting of the other's presence. Instead, they sat across from one another with a meal in front of them, talking it over as if it were some small matter.

Maybe it was the ease in which such a situation was occurring that made it feel too easy. But maybe. Maybe it was nice to understand that Lycaon wasn't just saying the words to placate him. There was honesty in his body language that was hard to ignore.

And his tail. He's going to be covered in fur, and it's going to be this mutt's fault! ]

Right. . . I didn't think something like that would come up with such a vengeance. Personally, I don't see it. It should have been enough to say we worked together in the past or that we merely 'knew each other a long time ago'.

It must be something you're saying.

[paraselenic]

[There's something to be said for pain that's festered so long that you cannot comprehend the idea of it healing. It would take time, but time was what they had now that the air had been cleared between them. All that was left was the grilling meat before them, and whatever steps they took next.

Speaking of, Lycaon took to serving the first batch of meat, putting some on Hugo's dish first before his own. Hugo needed to raise his iron levels first, so he made sure to give him a sizeable piece to start.

No sooner had he finished putting more meat on the grill than Hugo makes that statement, and his eyebrow furrows, unable to keep down an indignant snort.]

I have not indulged anyone about my past since I started working in this city, for obvious reasons. [A hand gestures in Hugo's general direction.] They are fans of gossip, however, so I suppose your presence was like a drop of blood in an ocean of sharks.

[He bites that piece of meat clean in two, fangs truly working their magic.]

My emotional reaction [And the whole scent tracking thing] is likely why they cling to the notion. Though the idea of us in a romantic partnership is rather... [He trails off. How does he put this eloquently.]

[myriadeclipse]

[ Hugo starts to pick at his food with the introduction of the meat. Now he could put some of the side dishes together with it to look somewhat normal and less like some weird picky guy who hates vegetables. Taking the compiled meat and vegetables, he puts it in his mouth before he can comment on anything that's being spoken.

His expression flattened, looking at Lycaon over that comment. What about him was so bad to mention? It wasn't as if anyone was asking him to admit he was a criminal. They had a rapport with one another that wasn't purely steeped in criminal activity. Was it still so horrible that he couldn't mention it even in casual conversation? It didn't even need to be extensive!

Although, he can't deny his presence was worth talking about.

Lycaon speaks further, and it stops Hugo from taking another bite of his meat, his mismatched eyes looking up to peer across the table at the wolfman and his clear offense.]

Is rather? Is rather what, Lycaon? Are you admitting you have no romantic sense? I'm curious as to how you were planning to end that statement.

[paraselenic]

[Look, it's because they're gossip girls that he didn't say anything. He did you a favour, thank you.

If you must know, he doesn't shut up about you now to the point that a young Christian man is now convinced they had hobbies(tm). How's that?]

It's...it's nothing. [There's a small chuckle under his ever-present growl in his voice] And my romantic sense is working perfectly fine, thank you. It's yours I'm worried about.

[Lycaon chews on his words (and that meat) for a moment, elegantly swallowing before his lips curl into a smile.]

You're... [He gives a soft hum.] You're quite high-maintenance.

[Anyone who dated this man would return him in a week. To who? Lycaon himself. Wait why did he think 'himself'. Erase that last thought.]

[myriadeclipse]

[ Hugo freezes, his stare still on Lycaon. ]

... What?

[ This was how the villain scene of a play usually starts. After the grave insult to their character, the audience is pulled into their inner world, where they monologue and sing about their deep hatred for the high and mighty hero. Hugo, however, just imagined throwing the dish of peppers at Lycaon and moved a more sociably acceptable way of showing his disagreement with this; Turning it into an argument.

Putting his chopsticks down, Hugo curls his hand against his chest, his face spreading into a smile that was more manic than comforting. ]

I beg. Your pardon? I'm the one that's high maintenance? Me? Not the man who has to alphabetize the dishes and organize the position of every item in the kitchen before he can be satisfied?

Compared to you, I'm far easier to be in a relationship with.

[ Not that he would know. Lycaon doesn't know that, nor does he NEED to! ]