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[myriadeclipse]

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Home of Mockingbird and the voice in his head

Mockingbird

Please forgive me for missing your message. I'll be right with you.

The Other Me

He isn't that sorry.

Mockingbird

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[mauks]

[ just hearing those words, feeling the warm press of their foreheads resting against each other, causes Molly to smile. he laughs to himself, all those nonsensical worries of losing him dissipating like smoke. he had been so stupidly worried he'd be thrown away, discarded for someone else. utterly idiotic of him, yes, but he can't claim he had been thinking rationally at the time. ]

I'm happy to hear that. It'd always been my goal to give something good to focus on today, something you can think back on fondly.

[ or, at the very least, distract him enough that the day simply flew by without any of them paying it any heed. what was his offered 'afterwards' if not just that? one big distraction. ]

We'll have to see to them later seeing we've got a get together to attend later. [ a gentle tease, easy flirtation that all screams his previous nervousness has settled. ] Besides wouldn't be fair to start having fun without Snowdrop.

[myriadeclipse]

[ Hugo could only give a faint breath that seemed to fall between a laugh and a scoff. Ah yes, the selfish snow wolf. It wouldn't be good to start without him. He could already see the twitch in his tail and the annoyed flick of his ears. Lycaon had been working so long on this day that it would be wrong to dash his hard work. It would be equally wrong to not tell on the puppy as well. ]

You have so much consideration for a dog that had no consideration for my need to be able to walk today. He's so lucky that I can regenerate.

[ He wouldn't let him go without a kiss of his own placed against the corner of his lips before they were parted and Hugo was lifting his present to look at the box once more. What an interesting life he leads. A blood gift without even having to thrall him or dangle eternity like a carrot on a stick. It stirred something frightening in him that he would not give voice to. ]

I don't wish to be dramatic. [ He paused, realizing the irony of the statement, and moved on. ] I don't care about my parents or family anymore. I've moved forward from those days. What any of them wished for me was never my concern.

I want you [ He emphasizes, ] to understand why I am acting this way. It's not the lack of love from my parents. [ It sort of is, though. ] It's the spirit of why he's doing this. The display of people caring for me as if he isn't well aware of what has happened to everyone else. To himself.

He wants me to accept these 'soft, happy feelings' of having something, and I reject that.

[mauks]

[ he laughs, eye wide and eyebrows raised. ]

He does strike me as the type to be utterly insatiable.

[ the corner of his lips tingle from the kiss, as though those lips had all but branded the place they had met his flesh. not enough and too much, more kindle to the fire burning in his chest born of things he doesn't dare to acknowledge nor name.

Molly exhales an almost wistful noise, shifting on his heels, and sits himself on the end of of his bed arms stretch out behind him to keep himself propped up. it is almost comical how entangled he has found himself. after years of running, of causal hook ups and one night stands, of pretending every pirouette around becoming attached didn't wrap the threads around him tighter─ he is hopelessly, irrevocably, bound. ]

I'd like to think I know you well enough to know there's a damn good reason for you acting the way you do, love.

[ he tilts his head then pats the spot beside him. ]

What do you want then?

[myriadeclipse]

[ There was an answer he could give immediately that he doesn't. Instead, he walks over, lowering himself down to sit on the bed with Molly. The box with his present is set off to the side, Hugo settling his gaze of the opposite wall. ]

In the long run? Nothing I haven't already taken back for myself. I decide my life for myself, and nothing is controlling or puppeting me toward a goal. No one is in danger anymore because of me.

[ Hugo's head turned so that he could look at Molly, contemplating what the answer was in the short term. Was there anything he wanted immediately? ]

As for right now? I'm not sure. Any plans or thoughts I originally had have been thoroughly uprooted. Thanatos is willing to wait, as he values life as much as death. I'm sure he already knew this would be the outcome.

[ If there were truly people who cared about him, he couldn't just vanish into the aether. With the sorts of presents he's already recieved that day, it was becoming harder and harder to consider his orignal plan from before everyone came together.

But if he couldn't think of a true answer.]

What of you? What do you want now that you've also made a choice?

[mauks]

This isn't about me.

[ expect, in more ways that Mollymauk would like to admit, that it is. he would rather focus on Hugo's wants and make certain each and every one of them are fulfilled. it's his birthday after all and what kind of friend would he be if he let them fall to the wayside. but he knows the man won't be satisfied with that answer and there is a promise of honesty hanging heavy between them.

Molly turns his gaze to the closest wall, his tail lashing against the bed. ]

If I'm to be honest, I'm not entirely sure myself. [ a beat. ] There's some things I'm sure of. I know I want you, Lycaon, and Caleb in whatever ways you'll have me. In your bed or at your side, doesn't matter to me as long as I have you close. But the rest? I don't know, have fun and live my life to the fullest?

[ it's then his gaze moves back to Hugo, the easy smile finding his lips. ]

I'm not good at thinking about the long run, things always get complicated and messy.

[myriadeclipse]

[ It was good that Molly didn't stick with that answer, or else Hugo was prepared to remind him why he asked. Actually, maybe it was a terrible thing that Molly was so forthcoming. Either way, Hugo rested his full attention on the other as he spoke, noting the words and where his gaze ventured to.

It made sense to him that neither of them really had an answer to this. He was quite sure they both didn't expect a need for such things. Did either of them expect to live long enough to need such things as 'future plans'? Now, there were those that wanted them to have those sorts of lives. To live with love and connection. They had to live in this world. ]

I want your messy.

[ Hugo's quiet voice practically purred with an unintentional seduction. The kind that made it feel like his very breath was on another's ear, even when he was far away. His hand was curled under his chin, his other hand cupping his elbow. It was the best way to keep his hands to himself. ]

I don't care if it's cruel, or it makes sense. If it's long, short or just wishes. I don't want a perfect answer, I just wanted the one that was yours to give.

[ Hugo huffed, his cupid's bow lips curving into a smile. ]

I don't think I could imagine you doing anything other than that. Caleb also seemed to be very attached to you, but I think "whatever way you'll have me" is a bit weak, yes? No one roots for the person in the performance who can't stay what they want.

[mauks]

[ Molly's never considered himself the guy of person who would live to see through 'future plans', no he was certain he'd die young in some back alley with little more than rats to witness his passing─ the fact he made it this far is a miracle in of itself. the fact he has the opportunity to think long term, as complicated and messy as it'd undoubtedly be, is some form of divine blessing.

he inhales, sharp, gaze dropping from Hugo's face to his hands then back up to the man's lips. his thoughts are in danger of derailing if he keeps that up. ]

Love, you can have my messy anytime anyplace.

[ for a man who so often takes his pleasures where he can, he doesn't often actually consider his own wants. he considered how they feel, what their wants are, while pushing his own aside to be neglected and forgotten. just as long as they stay in his life, just as long as he doesn't lose that all important connection. that's all he needs, right?

Molly lets his upper body fall down onto the bed, tail coiling around his ankle in an effort to keep it from lashing about and giving him away, folding his hands behind his head as a makeshift cushion. ]

It's not that I can't say what I want, I can and I have. I'd take you to bed in a heartbeat, Snowdrop too. That goes for Caleb as well, but I suppose I'm worried wanting so much at once might be selfish. [ he laughs. ] What am I saying? It is selfish as hell.

[myriadeclipse]

[ His head turned, watching Molly drop backward. For the time being, he continued to keep his hands to himself, shuffling them to his lap instead. ]

You see physical intimacy as 'asking a lot', but I don't think so. It's not something you connect your heart to. Enjoying it isn't the same as wanting that particular person. That's why I felt it was more important when you said you didn't care what place you had beside us.

[ Hugo turns his body enough so that he could rest his chin in his hand that was propped up on his knee. ]

That one felt like you would even endure fear and rejection for that. And... yes, this may be my day and that may involve asking about my desires and my wants, but I'm not quiet about those.

We continued to meet over and over again because I wanted to find you. Wasn't that also selfish after being left so many times? Would seeing you smile like nothing happened not be a selfish, bizarre desire? I've been selfishly taking parts of you over the years. Wouldn't a sane man have stopped and let you go after the first few times?

[mauks]

That's because I would.

[ he focuses on the line of Hugo's jaw where it meets his hand, the admittance spoken as casually as one does the weather. it's not something he feels the need to hide, even if it sound utterly insane. who would endure all that? not a normal, well-adjusted person that's for sure. but there is nothing normal or well-adjusted about Mollymauk. ]

He would have tossed me aside immediately, many have and I don't blame them for it for a second. [ it never bothered him, not once, because no one ever latched onto his heart as tightly as Hugo did. ] But there we were time after time after time after time. You never took anything from me that wasn't freely given.

But that's where the problem lies, isn't it? It's more than just physical intimacy thing, there are hearts involved. [ he exhales, pulling a hand from behind his head to drag down his face. ] I care about you, about Lycaon, and bloody Caleb. I want to be apart of your happiness, bask in it and see it thrive, but there are two hearts that are still mysteries to me.

And the last thing I want is to make a mess of another person's heart.

[myriadeclipse]

[ He fought, both with his desire and with his own body. When he could focus on Molly's words, it was easier to keep his manners up. He starts to talk about hearts, and Hugo's will crumbles. The vampire turns, pulling himself further up the bed so he could lower himself down close to where Molly was laying. On his side, Hugo leveled his eyes up at Mollymauk, continuing to listen to him. ]

If you care so much about those hearts, then nurture them and your relationships. [ A pause. ] I don't much care about hearts or what happens to them. A heart that is easily broken should not be resting that sort of innocence around me.

That being said. Caleb comes from a past you care deeply about. I do wish you all the luck in the world trying to grow it in this life. You deserve what you truly wish for.

[ The action of reaching out and putting his hand to Molly's chin was short, a there and gone motion, Hugo turning to look elsewhere after that moment of tenderness. ]

Either way, I am in no hurry. We will reach our hard-fought result eventually. Until then, I will keep you as close as you allow me to.

[mauks]

[ the bed shifts beside him and Molly turns to look at Hugo, he shifts then rolling to lay on his side instead of his back. one of the hands he had been using as a pillow comes around to keep his horn from piercing the blankets, the other reaching to take hold of the man's wrist and tug him closer. once he is close enough Molly tangles his legs up with Hugo's, his tail automatically coiling around the other's thigh as he takes a even breath in. ]

I'll talk to Snowdrop later, if only to ease my mind and make sure everyone is on the same page. [ it isn't his heart he worries for but the others. he wants to say he knows Hugo's well enough, but he's only known Lycaon for two months (and has found himself terribly fond of the man to the point he worries) and Caleb? he doesn't know that man's heart, doesn't want to accidentally stomp all over it because he is the person that he is. ] I only worry about I care about them, cause I care about you.

[ he shifts again until he is close enough to rest his forehead against Hugo's, red eyes flicking from side to side as he searched for something in his friend's face. ]

We both deserve the things we truly wish for. There's very little I won't do to make sure we get it.

[ the hand around the man's wrist loosens and glides up his arm to his shoulder, then down along the line of his body to rest on the curve of Hugo's hip. ]

I want you to keep me as close as you can. Don't ever let go.

[myriadeclipse]

I don't want to hurt him, either.

[ Being genuine was difficult for Hugo. It felt exhausting. Shedding layers and layers of performances and masks for the public, his job, his relationships. When it was all pulled back, it was mortifying. It was easier to tangle himself in Molly, leaning into the tough and bringing himself so close that he wouldn't trust a normal man to shoe restraint.

Hugo could, and would, enjoying this moment with him. ]

It's taken me quite some time to repair things even this much with him. And while we are assuredly not in something committed at the moment, I... think the world of what his opinion of me is. Though I often betray that, I don't wish to do so in a way that makes him lose faith in me yet again.

[ And since that was painfully open to the point his throat felt like it was tightening up and his face was gaining flecks of color, he still looked into Molly's eyes. Molly also deserved to hear it. ]

Just like how you picking up my pieces meant a lot to me as well.

[mauks]

[ the hand on Hugo's hip moves back up to cup the man's cheek, almost as if to hide the flecks of color appearing on beautifully pale skin. there's no one else in the apartment besides Frumpkin, no one who could catch them in this moment of vulnerability. his cat won't tell a soul but Molly still makes to keep it hidden and protected. ]

We're not a lucky pair, but you won't. [ his thumb brushes gently against skin. ] He's as determined to make what you two have got work as you are. The way he looks at you, the way he talks about you, it makes me a little jealous if I'm being honest.

[ Molly smiles, voice low, shifting to press a quick and cheeky kiss on the tip of Hugo's nose. ]

You picked up just as many of mine, love. The feeling is mutual. [ he can't begin to explain how much it meant to him, how much he's glad that they kept finding each other again and again. ] And I'll always be here to pick up the pieces again or, if you're feeling a little chaotic, cause trouble with.

[myriadeclipse]

It wasn't always that way.

[ Hugo closes his eyes as Molly shifts, smiling at the sweet kiss. For a couple of devils to share such a sweet and meaningful moment felt like something he should etch into his heart and memory for the next time he thinks of doing something unsafe. ]

When we were younger, I would say we were more like enemies or rivals. Maybe even brothers. I was still very much a Ravenlocke, but when I was with him and Jack, it felt like a second family. ... Granted, one that ended up feeling just as fake. I don't know when it changed from that ...detestable feeling of family to this. Sometime after he threw me away, perhaps...

[ His eyes remain closed, trying not to drift into more bad feelings. How could he feel bad when Molly was so warm? ]

So, I wouldn't feel jealous of that man. The unfortunate state of our relationship is a failure on all sides. He slid more into becoming a control freak; a strange mix of wanting to be both the dominating alpha and the bound. I...

[ He paused, opening his eyes. What did he become? ]

I wrapped myself in lies as if it were the finest silks. My life is a stage and everything is a performance under spotlight. When it happens to a mask, is it real? I grew up learning how to live on the puppet strings, dancing across the stage.

...When I say it like that, it makes it sound like we were never compatible to begin with.

[ Stopping, he brought that light smile back. ]

I am... grateful. For your words. And your presence.

[ Man, that was harder than he thought it was going to be. ]